"I have made the big decision
I'm gonna try to nullify my life
'Cause when the blood begins to flow
When it shoots up the dropper's neck
When I'm closing in on death
And you can't help me now, you guys…"
Heroin – Lou Reed
I’m breathing and shutting the door behind me. Neighbor downstairs is shouting at his girl again and somewhere there’s a bird chirruping and
—I gotta find it. The bathroom sink is a fucking mess and I should’ve started the wash.
There it is. Oh sweet heaven you. I hid you and nobody found you, not even that girl, what the hell was her name
—oh yeah. Shelia. Shelia is some girl, man but I gotta think straight. Think straight.
There’s pain where there shouldn’t be and I’m digging, digging because I need. Need. Alcohol wipes above the kitchen sink over the pile of dirty dishes. Goddamnit she should've at least done those. I think I said I would.
I gotta make sure I hit the vein, you know. Gotta pull the needle out just a little and look for those blisters, Man those blisters take fucking forever to go away and burn. A little blood baby. Yeah. Just a little.
Just a little.
There’s roses on the walls; I don’t know why man. Stupid tv and and aww man. Yeah.
This shit is gonna rock me so hard. Gonna go back to that Circle K in a little bit and score some smokes before…what was her name...gets home. Yeah. I gotta girl. I gotta girl and she loves me. Wait a minute, just a little more. Heaven ain’t like this. Maybe that Either place, wow man…
I feel like I’m gonna just float away and hey baby. Hey baby. She looks at me and screams. Groceries on the floor by my head. How did I get here? I was taking a piss and…
Oh baby. Don’t cry. I don’t know your name but I’m alright, just let me get up and
—Shit. Man I’m messed up. So messed up.
I love you too baby. Can’t you hear me? I’m talking
I think I fucked up.