29 July 2010

"Bobby Jones" #Fridayflash

When I was fourteen, we was a family of moonshine runners. Daddy loaded the cars up with the crates and off we'd go, smoking cigarettes and trying to keep our hands off the goods, but there was many a night when we'd be hiding from the police and end up all alone with nothing but the 'shine to keep us company. Nights when we sat in dewy grass and traded tales, each bigger than the one before it, til we was sure it was clear to get back out on the road again.

Daddy souped up those black cars and fixed it so the brakelights wouldn't light up, giving the us runners a better advantage to get away since they weren't giving away where we was turning off at.


My brother Bobby knew all those backroads. He had to perch on the edge of his seat to reach the pedals the first year, then he sprouted right up with the rest of us and we couldn't call him lil' Bobby anymore.

The biggest scare I got was when I had to ride along with Bobby (before the growth-spurt even) and we was tearing down them skinny rutted roads like the Devil himself was after us. It was about 2 o'clock in the morning and Bobby was driving back full-throttle. The car was empty thank the Lord, else all those jugs be about broke but then we heard the car before we saw it and there was the law, on our tails trying to get us to stop. We passed a car on the right and there was mud and clipped grass flying through the air and Bobby’d laughed at me and just drove faster.

He revved that old Chevrolet up and we shot down that road like a black muddy bullet. Mailboxes knocked up against my door like bony knuckles and somebody's dog erupted in a fit of barking till the police behind us had to swerve hard to avoid hitting the stupid mutt.

"Moonshine Running"  - Ian Guy 


I had no problems believing that we'd outrun them behind us but sweet baby Jesus, I clung to the seat, then the dash, trying to squirm away from my door when the branches screeched along the sides, and then half the tires dropped down into a rut and I peeked over the windowsill. Bobby grinned over at me and told me not to worry. That fender’d be there when we got back.

And somehow it was.

Bobby grew up to race cars, and me? Well I met a nice dame, we had some kids and I became a house painter. We split ways once we made up our minds, me opting for the safer family route and Bobby taking to the circuit making money driving in circles til he zigged when he should’ve zagged.

He found that he couldn't outrun the Devil for long.


R.I.P. Bobby Jones 1912-1943

_________

Bobby Jones might be fictional but Icy Sedgwick sure isn't. Go on and visit her work. And thank her for this fine idea of a car chase. - C.C.

Check out Ian Guy's other fine art!

28 comments:

Icy Sedgwick said...

Bloody hell, girl, you've really outdone yourself this time - it's fantastic!!!! Well-paced, excellent use of POV, and damn fine car chase!! Aw it's ace. Totally and utterly ace.

Sam said...

Awesome, simply awesome!

Aislinn O'Connor said...

Totally brilliant story, made all the more vivid for me by the fact that my father's family actually were involved in such activities - maddeningly, before I was born. Some families choose the wrong moment to go respectable...

Loved it, and the epitaph for Bobby is a stark reminder of what audacious driving can all too easily lead to.

Posey said...

I love this!!

Gracie said...

Great story. You write a car chase like no other, Carrie. And the voice is so clear and strong.

Love coming to visit here. Brilliant stuff.

Laura Eno said...

Awesome voice in this and your descriptions always rock!

jdanetyler said...

Amazing job again! Great, tense scene, excellent voice, awesome chase ... fantastic job all 'round!

Eric J. Krause said...

Great action scene. I can picture this right up there on the big screen. Loved this a TON!

ganymeder said...

Brilliant voice throughout this one, and loved the ending. I sound like a broken record (remember vinyl?) but Great job as always! :)

Linda said...

Wow, that was super. Great chase scene, and nailed the ending. Poor Bobby. Peace...

Bukowski's Basement said...

Girl... you had me at moonshine. And yeah, what a great chase... A pleasure.

Deanna said...

One of your best Carrie, and I know I say that often, but your work just (somehow) gets better and better.
Perfect voice, perfect tension, perfect all around.

pennygoring said...

Love the pics. Kept hearing Janis Joplin's voice - 'Me & Bobby McGee.' Sweet & fast - just the way I like it.
Penny Goring.

Pamila Payne said...

No doubt about, you still got one foot in the past. Loved this.

Christian Bell said...

This is quite a good tale, with excellent sense of voice and some fine pacing. Those first couple of sentences are an excellent hook, and it just goes nice and smooth from there. Well done!

Jason Coggins said...

I got the tingles when I read that last paragraph. Don't know if tingles are a credible and/or empirical thing to critique a story with but I got 'em for sure.

pegjet said...

Vivid, thrilling and nostalgic. As the others said, the voice and pacing rocked--but we expect that from you.

Sulci Collective said...

Dang that line about mailboxes rapping against the car door like knuckles was pure genius!

Wonderful voice in this one.

Man I enjoyed the ride!

marc nash

brainhaze said...

Great rythum to this, the pace really keeps your interest and wanting to read on and on. Great piece and descriptions are brilliant throughout

rexscribarum said...

Carrie,

From the chase to the car racing, it fits together perfectly and makes a great "in memoriam" to the fictional Bobby Jones. I like the consistent pace, and you've managed to capture the essence of the historical period. Good use of details and descriptive language.

The only thing that tripped me up was that sometimes you used 'was' and sometimes you used 'were'. If this is an intentional and accurate representation of a specific dialect, then by all means keep it; if not, then I'd suggest making it consistent.

That's just one of those minor things. It certainly doesn't detract from the overall quality of the story. As usual, I think you've done a good job. (Should I consider that implicit from now on? I feel like I'm redundant in my weekly praise.)

Cathy Olliffe said...

"I had no problems believing that we'd outrun them behind us but sweet baby Jesus, I clung to the seat, then the dash, trying to squirm away from my door when the branches screeched along the sides, and then half the tires dropped down into a rut and I peeked over the windowsill."

You may write action like there's no tomorrow but it's your descriptions of the stuff happening along the way that separates your work from the madding crowd, turning what could be Starsky and Hutch into art.

Cathy Olliffe said...

Oh, and by the way, the story is so well written that I had a lump in my throat when I read the RIP.

家唐銘 said...

天氣慢慢轉涼囉~要保重! ............................................................

Erin Cole said...

Nice spin on the voice, and I loved the last line:He found that he couldn't outrun the Devil for long.
Car chases, moonshine, and souped up black cars - great stuff!

Tomara Armstrong said...

love the voice! Great write and woah.. I was on the edge of my seat too.

~2

Wendy said...

Your prose has fierce rhythm in this piece. Brilliant!

Ian Guy Motoring Artist said...

Nice Story, can I get a credit for my artwork "Moonshine Running" Thanks.
Ian Guy ( www.motoringartist.com )

Carrie Clevenger said...

Hi Ian, I've mailed you as well. Thanks for letting me know.