12 August 2010

"Stiff" #Fridayflash


Photo credit: xandert from morguefile.com

She left me here. Ragged and weeping on the floor like a leaking faucet. Bats fly in a blurred tornado of red ears and beaded black eyes. Fingers twitch and face itches from the tiny haired feet of a spider.
                                                                         
She lied to get me here. Face stitched to the cut-pile carpet with undulating waves of russet sunset and one very thin thread of azure. She was so sure. Took awhile to lie down and wait for the numb and shock of thunder to transverse my system.

I should’ve listened.

Should’ve bared my soul long ago and taken the hand that would’ve been here. Now that my time is near. I don’t know where I’m headed but it sure isn’t heaven.

I hear her below and I still can’t take in breath long enough to break this frozen death to knock three times and let her know I still want her.


26 comments:

dan powell said...

There's a almost poetic lilt to the rhythm of this piece. Tonally very dark. Good work.

Bukowski's Basement said...

Oh wow... this was damp, cold, and chilling. The brevity of the language makes it even more dank.

Carrie, if I was wearing a hat right now, I would tip it.

G.P. Ching said...

Lovely dark piece of art this is. Bravo.

Sulci Collective said...

"She lied to get me here" just sent a frisson up my spine. What a great reaction for a piece of writing to prompt in a reader!. Formidable as the french say

marc nash

Linda said...

Chilling beauty. You are Goddess of the Dark Arts. Peace...

Laura Eno said...

Consummate Carrie - dark and eerie!

jdanetyler said...

Nothing like a lonely death. I'm a wimp, and I know it, but the spider on the face chilled me most. Great phrasing.

John Wiswell said...

This wrecks poetry. I'll take your prose any day. I wasn't so into the rhythm of words as the rhythm of sentiments, Carrie. The ebb and flow well in the tiny paragraphs.

Marisa Birns said...

The details in your stories give them such power. Could see the russet and azure carpet. I, too, found that the image of the tiny spider on the face brought the chills. And I'm not afraid of spiders!

Awesome last paragraph.

Benjamin Solah said...

I love how dark and cryptic this piece is. I agree with Dan - I can see poetry in this.

Eric J. Krause said...

Very dark and very well written. I enjoyed this a TON.

Deanna said...

I'm with Marisa - this brought chills even though I don't usually mind spiders either.

Very well written Carrie!

afullnessinbrevity said...

Wonderfully dark and quite eerie.
Adam B @revhappiness

Laurita said...

Darkly poetic and quite chilling. The brevity makes it even more so.

Pia Veleno said...

Mmm... Yes. Thank you, dark heart.

ganymeder said...

Dark and lovely.

Cathy Olliffe said...

"Goddess of the Dark Arts." A perfect description for you, Carrie, courtesy of Linda (who always knows the right words, by the way).
This was really quite amazing, Carrie.
I wish I knew how you did it.

J. M. Strother said...

Quite a dark and chilling piece.
~jon

Pamila Payne said...

That was powerfully heavy, mysterious and intense. Love your dark crawl spaces.

Gracie said...

Gorgeous, dark, terrifying. A small obsidian jewel, this.

You've blown me away again.

Jason Coggins said...

You weave words like casting a spell. Prose or poetry I do not know what this Flash is but its effect on me was something visceral.

antisocialbutterflie said...

You always seem to pack an emotional wallop into such a small space.

Wonderful as always

PJ said...

Well done, Carrie - horror at its best (worst?) ;-)

Icy Sedgwick said...

No one does darkness quite like you, my dear.

*claps wildly*

Christian Bell said...

Quite dark, and the poetry in this is top notch.

rexscribarum said...

Beautiful scene. Amazing job getting a whole story into such small space and writing it with such captivating language as well.

I think I know the crazy chick. Poor protagonist... If I were in his situation, I wouldn't be knocking three times; I'd be cursing her to the very last breath.

--Travis