16 September 2010

"Angel on the Roof" #Fridayflash

Of course Jonathan tried to prepare for it. His entire college career was settled on the intricacies of Medieval wisdom and ignorance; costume and custom, effecting him to settle on a light suit of custom-crafted aluminum armor. He packed with him action figures, hoping to win over the king. His iPod was capable of going 22 hours on a single charge but his Kindle could last a month. The time machine made no fantastic swirls of color, but rather hissed and coughed a puff of smoke that cleared the rest of the University wing when he went.

He awoke some time later on his side, full backpack stabilizing his body from sliding the rest of the way down the steeply pitched roof of the great castle. Fantastic! He said to himself, the Earth moved! He attempted to extract his notepad and ink pen, but the bloody thing slipped out of his hand, slid down the roof, over the edge and poink! hit a passerby right on the top of his head.

Anonchio was on his way to answer to a debt when the bizarre twig fell from the sky. Looking upwards, he saw a shining figure.

“Oy! You up ere!” He shouted. The shining figure looked around and went back to rummaging through what appeared to be a blue sack.

“Who’s that you be shouting at Anon?” His wife peeked out from the confines of the cart, sewing needles in hand.

“Th’ bloke right up ‘ere!” Anonchio pointed skyward with a thick, stubby finger and his wife followed it until her eyes widened.

“Why, there’s an angel on the castle! We must tell the king!”

Anonchio and his wife hurried into the crowd and spread the word of the uncommon roof occupant. Meanwhile, Jonathan continued to assess his situation and realized that he’d made a grave mistake. The roof was too high to jump, or even be rescued. He could climb down, but not in his armor.

It was a stupid idea to wear it anyway, he thought to himself as he stripped the shining coat off, piece-by-piece. By now a large crowd had gathered below to witness the angel. Converts were made, plagues were healed, and an old woman could walk again. All in the Power of His Spirit.

The artifacts of thin, sparkling metal were viciously fought over as they landed. Scholars scratched their chins at the angel’s words, which sounded a bit vulgar. Still, they scribbled down their interpretation of the creature’s warnings and wisdom as divine.

They prayed for the angel to descend for three days in the stagnant heat and searing sun.

On the third day, the angel flew from the roof in the guise of a dead man, skin blistered and pockmarked, with a large pouch of tiny idols, a small metal window and shattered glass but made horrid sounds from two tentacle-like appendages , and a larger square that when anyone looked upon it, could see His Word. His name was J. R. Tolkien, and as far as the scribes could ascertain, was an astounding windbag of needless description.

The strange corpse and its belongings were suddenly considered a work of the Devil, and the transcribed statements, the Kindle, and the i-Pod (designed by an entity in California named Apple) were promptly tossed into the fire by the Church, and all was eventually forgotten.

The old God made more sense.

(Photo credit: badeendjuh from morguefile.com)

31 comments:

G.P. Ching said...

O.M.G Hilarious! My favorite is the JR Tolkien reference but the whole thing reminds me of a Monty Python episode. Great job.

Deanna said...

Hello Pete! Here I am shouting the praises and hadn't even left a comment.

This is fantastic in so many ways Carrie. Such vivid descriptions and laughs all around. I love it!

P.S. I especially love the Tolkien reference - and agree! :)

jdanetyler said...

I'm with G. P. here, this read like a very, very funny episode of Monty Python. Fantastic work!

Icy Sedgwick said...

Oh I love this! Love love love it. It's different from your usual stuff and it's dark in a way, but it's got a light-hearted playfulness underneath. And yeah, the iPod is the work of the Devil. ^_^

Richard Godwin said...

Not only is this brilliantly well written, but then I wouldn't expect anything less from you Carrie, it's extremely ambiguous its pitch. You are the dark mistress of the multi spin.

Eric J. Krause said...

Well that certainly wasn't how he pictured his trip going. Too funny. I agree with the whole thing seeming like a Monty Python sketch. Loved this one a TON!

Clive Martyn said...

Excellent. Love it.

Mark Kerstetter said...

Let's hope the Tolkien fans out there know this is just fiction. My favorite sentence:

"Converts were made, plagues were healed, and an old woman could walk again."

Harry said...

Too many good things to site them all. Really funny and really well done!

Laurita said...

Hilarious and clever. This was a great way to start off the #fridayflash read-a-thon. Great stuff! The screaming tentacles were a nice touch.

Laura Eno said...

Hilarious! Loved it all and a different type of story for you as well.

Crystal said...

I have to agree, this is so very much like a Monty Python episode. Love it!

Linda said...

Hilarious! Very clever, very british in its humor. So much poked fun at. And very different from you. Peace...

Benjamin Solah said...

I love this! It's a twist on your usual stuff - I agree with Icy.

And the geeky references pleased me greatly.

Rachel Blackbirdsong said...

I'm jumping on the Monty Python band wagon here too...I could almost imagine the guys playing out this scene. Excellent writing as always Carrie. You really are quite gifted.

Gracie said...

Oh, good god, how hilarious! I'm still laughing.

And I'm a complete Tolkien geek, but really wish he'd been introduced to the concept of... dare I say it... editing.

LOVE this story!

Pamila Payne said...

Is there anything you can't do? The wit! The turn of phrase! The humor! Just great.

Bukowski's Basement said...

Should I be embarrassed, Carrie, that I never read Tolkien?

Another well-written tale nonetheless...

John Wiswell said...

Yes you should be embarrassed, Anthony! I'm embarrassed to be right under you! Now I'm associated with you. God, the embarrassment.

I wonder why he brought aluminum armor - where he got it and why he used it. Aluminum is light and durable, but you don't go running around in the stuff. I wonder if he pained any skulls and flames on it to look badass for the wenches.

Carrie said...

I haven't read Tolkien either but I've seen the movies. Many, many, many times. What I remember about the tiny bit I did try to read is that I awoke someplace far away and was really thirsty...

Thanks guys. It's been a crap week with massive overtime hours but Deanna (up there) encouraged me to keep trying. You can thank her for the push for humor and to keep me coming back every week as long as I can.

Carrie

vandamir said...

LOL! Having written a hapless time-traveler story recently, I salute you and your characters. Great job, Carrie.

Diandra said...

I think this is the best I've read here so far. Loved it.

Sulci Collective said...

this is a cool study of new superstitions taking root then quickly fading from the scene. The Kindle etc reminded me of the Cargo Cults. Nice work.

Tolkein? Meh, never read him

marc nash

alisonwells said...

Absolutely fabulous, one of the most unique and memorable flashes I have read since I started. Just love how you make the ordinary other. The paragraphs where he gets ready to leave and the one where he comes down off the roof were just terrific. Surreal, quirky yet utterly believeable. Just my type of thing, a real winner.

~Tim said...

I really enjoyed this. Hope things in real life get better for you soon!

Amie said...

I loved this.. made me laugh out loud!

Tony Noland said...

Heh, when faced with actual physical evidence of a miracle that will change your entire worldview, it's always easier to throw it onto a fire and pretend it never existed.

Nice story.

Oh, and I have read Tolkien, and agree that he's a bit long winded.

Jen Brubacher said...

*laughs!* Ohh, this is one of those stories that just makes me wonder where it came from, even though I hate it when someone asks me the same question. What an event. This is terrific, Carrie.

Helen Ginger said...

Great piece! You captured so much in so few words. We praise the heroes, then destroy them.

Helen

Chris Chartrand said...

And she does comedy... Great story Carrie, loved it.

greenstephenj said...

Ha! ha! These time travellers never seem to win do they?

Loved the phrase "The angel flew from the roof in the guise of a dead man"